Things I’d rather do than watch the World Cup

The World Cup—which is sort of like the Olympics of soccer, I gather (?)—is taking place right now until July 15, according to ESPN, and I couldn’t be more bored, even if I were driving through West Texas, which can be about as flat as Napoleon Dynamite’s monotone voice.

To me, watching soccer is about as fun as shopping for socks. Or reading this blog!

I’ve played soccer and tried to watch it, and I just can’t seem to care about it. It excites me about as much as wearing wet mittens. In fact, here’s some things I’d rather do than watch the World Cup:

  • Debate politics (although this blog is officially politically neutral)
  • Write in pencil on a wet napkin
  • Listen to bro country
  • Debate religion (this blog is religion-neutral, too)
  • Babysit the kid from “Problem Child”
  • Untangle Christmas lights
  • Go without medication I’m supposed to take
  • Open my eyes underwater in a heavily chlorinated hotel pool
  • Drive my car left-footed
  • Run a 5K with my shoes untied
  • Wear socks full of sand
  • Get chewing gum out of my hair with peanut butter
  • Listen to a 10-year-old me practice the trombone
  • Count raindrops
  • Keep track of how many times I say “um” each day
  • Follow someone driving too slow
  • Be the driver going too slow
  • Drink a Coke too fast
  • Finish this post

 

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5 thoughts on “Things I’d rather do than watch the World Cup”

  1. Thank you for posting this! I share your extreme indifference towards soccer. I’m not a hater. More power to the people who love it. But I have a very short attention span, and so watching 90 minutes of game play that ends in a tie at 0-0 is just not my thing.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Humorous post! I enjoy the World Cup, but can understand its lack of appeal, too. I am just not indoctrinated in those tense scoreless draws to be able to draw much enjoyment. I envy the English (as I do Americans for their college sports) their unbridled enthusiasm for football (soccer), though not the hooliganism. We Canadians ARE indoctrinate in ice hockey, which is, of course, lightning paced, the antithesis of soccer. There is, however, excellent grassroots level support for soccer. It remains a sport that is accessible to all, unlike hockey, which requires a second mortgage for participation.

    Liked by 1 person

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