I’m a sucker for nostalgia. Here’s five things from days gone by that should come back—and would help us build character:
• The return of duels would be a great way for us to settle disputes again. Don’t like what I said about you on Facebook? Let’s fight to the death with swords! Not only would this be entertaining for passersby, but it would thin the herd out a little, too. There’s too many damn people.
New rule: Duels can only be fought with regulation swords—no guns. Swords are more entertaining.
• Really, truly sad country music has gone by the wayside, and it needs to return to the airwaves. I need to be in tears after listening to a good sad country song, not trying to figure out if the artist used a drum machine like with this modern garbage that is considered country. Besides, sobbing builds character.
New rule: No sobbing while driving. Pull over if you need to blubber.
• Why not listen to super sad country music while driving a Ford Ranchero? Could there be anything more American? The Ranchero, a hybrid car/pickup truck, was built from 1957-79 and is very similar to its Chevrolet counterpart, the El Camino, a Ranchero ripoff. People seem to love vehicles that can do multiple things, so why not bring back a car that has a pickup-like bed? Plus, Ranchero is fun to say.
New rule: New Rancheros need to be able to haul more weight than Chevy’s mid-size pickup, the Colorado.
• Fullbacks in football aren’t seen so often nowadays, especially in today’s pass-happy NFL. In fact, I looked up each NFL team’s roster on ESPN’s website, and 13 of the 32 NFL teams don’t even have a fullback on their roster. Curiously, the Bills and Cowboys have two fullbacks on their roster. I love seeing a big guy clearing the way for a running back or occasionally getting to run the ball himself. It takes a special kind of guy to be a fullback, one who’s unselfish, mean as hell and still able to run with the ball, catch a pass or block when need be. Let’s see more of these bulldozers in the pros like we used to back in the day.
New rule: Being a fullback should be glamorized way more than it is at the youth football level. And fullbacks have lots of character.
• Whatever happened to Westerns and musicals? One might make it to the theater now and then, but by and large they seem to have gone extinct. Maybe once we get done making all these superhero movies, Westerns and musicals will come back into vogue. Maybe I’m biased because I live in Texas, but there’s few things better than a bad guy getting his due when he crosses the wrong guy in a white hat. And I used to hate musicals, but now I think it’s cool to see actors stretch themselves a little and sing, too.
New rule: A combination Western/musical is a poor idea.
Honorable mentions: manners, kids building forts in the woods together, actual lunch breaks, knowing how to use tools, knowing how to make basic repairs to a car
What other seemingly bygone things do you think should come back?